You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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