I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
