zippers are such a cool invention
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
