do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
