Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
