No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
