The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
