I met the friendliest cop last night
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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