everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
