when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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