I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
