She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
