i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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