i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
