Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
