Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
