Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
