Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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