im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not