I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
