My sheets look like a crime scene.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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