A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
