I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize