More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
