just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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