She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
