Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
