You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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