I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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