Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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