I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
