i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
