I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
