Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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