Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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