Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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