I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
