have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
