How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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