Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
