Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
