he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
