I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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