dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
