In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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