I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
