I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
