Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
