im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
