I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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