I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
