Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
