will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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