I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize
