I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?