i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.