I'm gonna have a badass scar
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.