there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???