there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night