i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito