$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner