just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.