Need sex. Gaining weight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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