meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
