South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
