Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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