I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize