At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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