walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
