I'm gonna have a badass scar
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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