I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
