nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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