he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
