I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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