..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
