i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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