she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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