When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
